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archangelbeth July 29 2014, 04:06

Headache

Literal headache. Juuuuust small enough that I didn't take anything for it till recently, when it started getting meaner.

I did fix spouse's pants, yay.

This morning, Ivan was in the basement. When I brought him up, he was very... restless, agitated. I held him on my lap a bit and warmed him up, and that seemed to calm him. I think we really, really need to get some intermediate "stairs" for the treads so he has a chance of going up and down without getting himself stuck down there. (There are litterboxes upstairs. He doesn't want to use them.)

I am concerned over his vision. He will try to walk through/over things that are not immediately In His Face. I guess he's pretending they don't exist if he can't see them, but this does not work well.

I have added holding blobs of food (laced with glucosymine (...can't spell that...) treat that I crumbled up and mixed with the soft food), on my fingers, to get him to eat it. He still hasn't finished that one. He likes the powder better. So do I; I don't have to rub the gummi-fish treat in my fingers till it crumbles.

I will pretend that repairing my spouse's pants (one hem, one seam, one pocket seam) is productive.

Havva Quote
Sometimes you're trying to do something relatively simple, like get close to a tornado. Tornadoes are antisocial things, and are angered by your presumptive familiarity. they show their displeasure by hurling farming irrigation systems at your car.
--http://www.cracked.com/article_21353_6-survival-tips-from-professional-adventurer.html


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eyeteeth July 29 2014, 02:14

Ten! It rhymes with men!

Mandatory man number ten is a beardy academic, an artist who also teaches art. And likes Borges. Again with the Borges! So I said if we met up we could at least talk about how much we like Borges. HOW ABOUT THEM LABYRINTHS, HUH? I also said that while I am not myself an academic I was raised by one and like them (it's kind of like being raised by wolves). I considered mentioning the way-prestigious art department my father used to actually run, but decided that would be more appropriate if I were trying to get my father a date with a beardy academic, and he's quite happily married to my mother (a beardless statistician).

Dr. Beardy is also a "Yes, but only if they were obese," but I've decided not to let this stop me because have you noticed how men tend to be kind of oblivious to their own romantic behavior? Like if asked they'll say "no fatties" but in practice they might not have a problem with fatties? Psychiatrists call that poor insight though usually they are talking about schizophrenia or OCD, not online dating.

Still hoping to hear from the fish robot guy. Or any of these guys. Him a little more than the others, though.
jennifer_brozek July 28 2014, 20:37

Tell Me - Kenneth Mark Hoover

(Crossposted from Jennifer Brozek)

I have to admit, I have a soft spot for the Haxan world by Kenneth Mark Hoover. I love a good weird west tale and Haxan is it. Someday, the worlds of Mowry, AZ and Haxan, AZ will collide and it will be epic.

---



HOW I CREATED HAXAN

I fell into writing westerns, and dark fantasy westerns, entirely by accident.

About five years ago I started listening to the Old Time Radio Gunsmoke series. These were created and written by John Meston, a writer who wanted to bring adult sensibilities to the western. He hated what Hollywood had done to the Old West, relying on crude mythology and cliches. He wanted to write adult stories about the men and women of that time in a responsible way, leaving behind more cartoonish aspects which had taken root in the collective mind.

The OTR portrayal of Matt Dillon is very different from the television version. John Meston created Matt Dillon as a man as violent as the men he has goes up against. In fact, in the radio series, Matt Dillon is almost a psychopath who beats men within an inch of their life. Kitty, in the radio series, is a worn-out prostitute, and Doc Adams is a gibbering ghoul intent on collecting autopsy fees.

While listening to these episodes it wasn’t long before I knew I wanted to do something along the same lines. I had no intention before then of writing westerns or using a western setting as a backdrop in my fiction. John Meston, and his work, set the hook in my mind. I feel I owe him a lot.

Around the same time I finished reading the entire comic book run of Jonah Hex. I liked the hard-bitten edge of the character as written by John Albano, and the art of Tony DeZuniga has never been matched, in my opinion.

One afternoon I went outside to sit in the sun and I started making notes. I first had the town as Hex, New Mexico, probably a result of the comic influence. But I quickly changed that to Haxan, which is a Swedish word for “witches” and is the name of an excellent silent horror film from 1922. Just like that I had the entire plot of “Haxan” in my mind.

I started doing research, and to make things a little different leavened dark fantasy in the story. Not a lot. I didn’t want the fantasy to overwhelm the historical aspect at all. I had seen this in other “weird westerns” and frankly, never thought much of it. I didn’t want the West to be another generic (and replaceable) backdrop to my story. I wanted “Haxan” to be about the West, and any dark fantasy present would be included to illuminate that singular aspect.

I must say I have never thought I wrote “weird westerns” although the Haxan stories, and the novel published by CZP, are categorized that way. Being pigeonholed is a crux every writer must bear, and I don’t let it bother me too much. But, to me, your typical weird western is just another cliched story with vampires, werewolves, and the occasional Cthulhu-type monster in a walk-on role. I am a big reader of history and philosophy. I know the most frightening monsters have always been human. So that’s what I set out to write.

I’ve said many times Haxan is my own little dark corner of the universe where I get to play with matches. The setting and the characters lend themselves to many different story styles and genres. But I am always careful to make the West, and its culture, and the men and women of all races who struggled everyday to survive, my central focus. This came home to me in a big way when Jennifer Brozek remarked I should start writing stories about the other people in Haxan rather than concentrate on Marwood. I immediately saw what she was getting at. The whole mythos of Haxan needed to be told, rather than one slice from an individual viewpoint.

I haven’t looked back since. I’ve published about 20 Haxan short stories and more are coming. The novel Haxan was published by CZP earlier this year, and they’ve scheduled the next one, Quaternity, for May 2015. I will begin work on the third Haxan novel, Seven Devils, this fall.

So far I’ve enjoyed writing in the world of Haxan very much. People tell me they like the stories and the characters a lot. But I haven’t done it entirely by myself. I have some very good writers and friends I bounce ideas off to gauge their reaction whether a story idea is worth pursuing.

No writer writes a story entirely by himself. But as of today I am a citizen of Haxan, New Mexico, circa 1874, and I think I am going to stay there for a while.

---





Kenneth Mark Hoover has sold over fifty short stories and articles. His first novel, Fevreblau, was published by Five Star Press in 2005. His work has appeared in Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine, Beneath Ceaseless Skies, Strange Horizons and the anthology Destination: Future. He is a member of SFWA and HWA and currently lives near Dallas, TX. Mr. Hoover can be reached through his website kennethmarkhoover.com where extra content, including character biographies and photographs, can be found regarding the world of Haxan.






shinga July 28 2014, 13:22

No subject

Too much going on. Had only a vague idea of "family is visiting soon-ish" in my head up until like two or three days ago when it was "wait no family is visiting NOW"... so uh mid-afternoon FAMILY WILL BE HERE and I'm really out of it right now. It's been a ROUGH few days... I'm hoping the worst is past and I can function today enough to clean up the house at least a little bit. Not that family will care much (at least not to my face) but still.

Dinner plans were made as of like fifteen minutes ago.

In unrelated news Will got his Austria dates, he'll be gone 4 weeks instead of 5... so that's something. I look forward to actual plane tickets being bought and me getting to see an actual itinerary with my own eyes... until I see those things I'm still kind of holding my breath here. Last time he was "going to Austria" on a week's notice those plans changed like five times before they were like "or, stay home actually", so... once I see the tickets and details it'll start to feel like a solid plan.

In yet more unrelated news I should have my art computer set up within the next couple of days. Which is good, I have a deadline coming up pretty fucking quickly and I'm stressed about that.

So many things to do, so many things I wish I'd had the ability/energy to already have done. I'm frustrated with myself even though it's all said and done and I need to not sit here dwelling on my own shortcomings. Move forward, do better next time, etc.

Okay... I have until 3pm to do the dishes, straighten up the livingroom and office, maybe throw in some laundry, and shower. Family will be here around 3, obviously. We'll... IDK, hang out and chat for three hours or so before we go meet people for dinner. Mom leaves tomorrow morning back to SA because of work but other family stays here for... a time. I'm not sure how long. Should be an interesting time.
eyeteeth July 28 2014, 07:44

Ramadan is totally metal



Eid sounds hella fun, but I'd be pretty happy too if I'd just gotten through with a month-long fast and could finally stuff my face during the daytime. It features elements that are familiar to me, because you're supposed to forgive everyone like on Rosh Hashana, and give gifts and sweets to children like on Purim (or Chanukkah, but it sounds more like Purim to me). In New York, so Wikipedia tells me, alternate-side parking is suspended. Truly it is a joyous time!
archangelbeth July 28 2014, 04:06

Ivan the lap cat

Ivan has never liked being held. But today, twice, for long periods of time like an hour or so, he has laid (lain?) in my lap, being petted. Purring most of it.

It is not fair. He is not even 15 yet.

I am very not caught up on journals.

(Today is also not very productive. I woke up from annoying dreams (that I have forgotten by now), and went downstairs to make sure Ivan had not trapped himself in the basement. He hadn't, but he wanted feeding, etc. So I am short on sleep. And typing around an Ivan.)

Perhaps at some point tomorrow, the GURPS submission will be looked at. Please think good thoughts for it. Thank you.

Havva Quote
Sam Vimes, you treasure your ignorance of gardening, so don't start weaving a social hypothesis in front of an angry woman holding a blade!
--Snuff, Terry Pratchett


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shinga July 28 2014, 01:23

No subject

One of my more frustrating and confusing flaws is that I hate being new at things... or at least obviously new. If I'm trying something and some one can look at it and say "You're new at this, aren't you?" I feel humiliated and ashamed and angry. For MOST things I can work around this by practicing alone, but for some things that's just not feasible. I either have to learn from some one (and therefore being open and honest with another human being about my inexperience) or take a class or it's just a rather social skill that REQUIRES working with people in order to get better at it (learning a language, as an example)... most of the time when I realize I'll have to be openly new at something I just sort of... avoid it. I convince myself that it's not a big deal and I don't actually need or even want to learn it and I can just find something else. This is... unacceptable. I've made it work for my entire life and the more I look back the more missed opportunities I'm seeing because of this humiliation and prideful need to be perfect at everything all the time. It's something I need to work on, and I'm not even sure how to start... outside of opening up to people with requests like "please don't laugh at me" or "just be patient", things like that. Maybe after a while I'll start to see that there's nothing to be so afraid of.
shinga July 27 2014, 21:32

No subject

I don't want to need comfort, or reassurances, or validation, or platitudes. I don't want to ever, ever be seen as needy. I don't want anyone to know just how much I care about the things they say to me. I don't want to ever ask some one to calm my fears, I want to rationalize them away all on my own so I can talk to that same some one with a clear head free of nonsensical paranoia and fear. I hate that it's not working.
fadethecat July 27 2014, 19:59

General Updates

1) The fans and dehumidifiers are gone, so the house is now well-lit and cool! And full of piles of junk stacked everywhere. Someone's coming by to measure for new floors on Tuesday, and I'm already cringing in anticipation of the price. The least it could possibly cost is already going to be pretty damn expensive.

2) Zabina has begun to focus seriously on stalking Peejee, who is responding by retreating to Mount Carpet Discards in the back as often as possible. She will be a much more harried cat once the kitten figures out how to use the cat door. Meanwhile, Pixel has learned how to not spook the kitten, but not how to play with her; as such, most of their interactions are just Zee chewing on Pixel's paws or tail while the dog quietly looks distressed.

3) I am really low on cope. It makes me cranky. But soon I will fly off to NYC, which will be very nice.

This entry was originally posted at http://fadeaccompli.dreamwidth.org/106296.html. Comment wherever you like.
eyeteeth July 27 2014, 07:00

This is why I can't get over the guy I had a fling with a year ago

No mandatory man today. I kept looking and everyone loves Vonnegut and can't deal with fatties. I thought I'd found a good one, his profile says this:

"I feel like everyone tries to set these concrete rules about what they are/aren't looking for, and I just don't understand the idea of pre-emptively ruling something out if you happen to meet the right person."

Well said, sir! Let me just drop you a quick -- wait, what's this? Why, it's our old friend "Yes, but only if they were obese." With a helpful explanation:

"Look, this isn't about 'unrealistic beauty standards' or 'anorexic models'. I can deal with 'curvy' or even slightly chubby if you carry it well, but if you actually cross the line into being fat or having a belly, it's just not going to work. I don't think that's a lot to ask."

Wow, you sound awfully defensive for a guy who's being totally reasonable, Non-Judgmental Dude.
archangelbeth July 27 2014, 04:47

How did it get so LATE??

Well, it is. Urgh.

*long pause while she feeds Ivan soft food, with a spoon*

Ivan has developed a tendency to go downstairs for the basement litterboxen, but then Mr. Arthritis won't come back up the stairs and we have to go fetch him.

Also, he wants to eat all his food from a spoon. He licks it. Sometimes he takes teeny bites.

He purrs.

Havva Quote
If you meant 'what happened' in the broader meaning of the word, I would say that the Earth is continuing its merry journy around the Sun, twirling about like a graceful garden gnome on its way.
--Harry Potter and the Natural 20, Chapter 54.


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shinga July 26 2014, 15:58

No subject

Really glad I went out last night, but I should have eaten some form of dinner/not pre-gamed. I got too drunk.

BUT no regrets. I needed that. Considering Pan's news, this might have been the last time I can go for a long, long time... they're moving it to Thursdays. Ugh. Disappointing. I get it, but it's crappy.

Woke up with a slight hangover, took advil and slept in and I seem to be fine now. Now for FOOD! Might go to a friends' place tonight if I feel up for it.
archangelbeth July 26 2014, 05:18

Last day of Photog.

Kid went. They were mostly formatting their stuff for printing. She did some nice layout.

I am exhausted.

I sent off a query for the GURPS Thing. Cross fingers that it is accepted.

I have otherwise been very tired and useless.

Havva Quote
And they used to be men. Sometimes even they forget that.
--Higgs, in http://girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php#.U9M3XV5AXB0


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eyeteeth July 26 2014, 04:04

Manos: The Hands of Fat

Before today's mandatory man, let's talk about fatness, and how responses to the OkCupid questions about size confound my efforts. One of today's rejects was kind enough to explain why his answer to "Can overweight people still be sexy?" is "No":

"I suppose it's theoretically possible, and of course it's in the eye of the beholder, but I don't know that I've ever seen an overweight woman that I considered to be 'sexy.' And I guess I should clarify that I'm considering 'overweight' as it's used to describe someone who has difficulty wedging herself into an airplane seat rather than someone who would like to lose 10 or 12 pounds."

First, let's note how the wording of the first sentence seems to indicate that he isn't speaking only for himself, but for everyone attracted to women. Ironically, the phrase "it's in the eye of the beholder," which is supposed to make him sound less shitty, reveals that he does not consider this a private opinion but rather a general truth. But the thing that gets me about this explanation is the second part. Those are the two kinds of fat to this guy: Not Even Fat Really (she'd "like to lose" ten or twelve pounds, but her fatness isn't presented as a fact), and Colossally Fat. And I've encountered this before, the bizarre erasure of those of us who are in-between fat, which in my experience is most of us. It's why I said in an earlier entry that obese is a meaningless word. Let me expand on that: the word obese is meaningless except as a marker of valuelessness, in this case unfuckability, because while no one can agree on what it means to be obese, most everyone can agree that it's disgusting and shameful. Therefore, when OkCupid dudes say overweight is a dealbreaker "only if [a potential match] were obese," what they're saying is "Fat is a dealbreaker if you're so fat that it's a dealbreaker." And that's different for everyone. And I don't want to play fatphobia roulette, dressing up nice and showing up to the café hoping I won't see his face fall when he gets an eyeful of my ass.

(Could this be part of the reason men get so much joke mileage out of women's fear of gaining weight, out of women asking their boyfriends, "Does this make me look fat?" -- because the fear is of going from skinny or "normal" to in-between fat, and that's a category that doesn't exist in the minds of the men who make such jokes? So it literally makes no sense to them that anyone would have that fear?)

Today's mandatory man doesn't say anything about weight in his profile. He does say he has "feminist values," and I always love when guys say stuff like that. Shout it loud! He is a beardy academic who writes books in a café in the East Village. I wrote him all OMG, I write in cafés too!!! I didn't tell him what I write about in the cafés. That can wait.

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